Give out Feedback Freebies

Hi Reader,
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The Problem

You give feedback to a colleague, but it lands the wrong way. While it was well-intended, it harmed the relationship. Allison, a Big Small Things reader, is the choir leader at her church. Recently, a fellow congregant gave her feedback: “You should have the choir sing more new music.” This made her feel frustrated and full of self-doubt.

Does he not like what we are singing?
What kind of music would be better?
Are we boring the congregation?

The comment was vague and highlighted the problem, not the solution. It put her in a Feedback Funk.

The Big Small Thing

Give out Feedback Freebies: specific, actionable suggestions that go along with your feedback. Allison got one of these from a different congregant shortly after. This second person offered, “I just heard this beautiful piece on YouTube called XYZ; is it possible to teach it to the choir?” Allison was so excited. She immediately tracked down the arrangement and brought the printed sheet music to the next rehearsal.

The Feedback Freebie made her feel inspired, creative, and grateful for the suggestion.

Here are more examples of how this plays out at work:

❌ = Puts someone in a Feedback Funk
✅ = Helps them out with a Feedback Freebie

❌ Our mutual stakeholders want to hear more from you.
✅ Our mutual stakeholders mentioned a weekly update would be helpful. Would you like to join my standing one-on-one meeting with them and use the first 10 minutes to give your updates?

❌ You don’t seem confident when you present.
✅ If you amplify your voice when presenting, you’ll sound as confident as I know you are. Here are two trainings that might help you practice.

❌ I don’t know what you are doing on the project.
✅ I started this shared document; let’s both update it biweekly to keep each other in the loop about what we’re doing.

How This Helps You Chase What You Want

To accomplish your best work, you almost always need close collaboration with colleagues. Maintaining trusting, helpful relationships is key. When you put someone in a Feedback Funk, it puts that relationship at risk. When you offer them a Feedback Freebie, it bolsters it.

Let’s do this,

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